Hi guys, it's me. ^_^ Long time no see, eh? Gah, I've been gone for a while, and now I've gotta check all my friends pages . . . this is gonna be fun. X-)

Anyway, I wanted to post this just in case anyone was curious as to what's happened after my birth-father's sudden reappearance after years of nothing and more nothing . . .

Guess what? We're actually in touch! O.o I'm still trying to adjust to it, to tell the truth . . . Well, it took me a week to psych myself up and find the strength to face him . . . and then in the middle of this, he calls my mother out of the blue to ask how I'm doing. While we're having lunch and I'm sat in the very next armchair. Shock, more shock, horror, and "OMG, I'm not ready for this." I abruptly got up and left the room to make a bowl of cereal in the kitchen and calm myself down. Seriously, the effect this man can have on me is unreal. Actually, I was quite disturbed because I realized I was actually very close to having a panic attack. At some point, however, don't ask me which, I just thought "What the hell? What have I got to be scared about, he can't hurt me. I'm the one who's gonna be behind the wheel of anything that progresses from here. If he wants to be my dad again, that's at my discretion. I set the terms. Get back in there and quit being a wuss."

So I did. I sat down in my chair and shut up and ate my cereal. My ma was still talking to him, and he was yakking away about everything under the sun . . . And I slowly start getting annoyed. He was asking personal questions pertaining to me ["Sooo, is she going out with anyone?" "Can I expect grandchildren any time soon?" WTF??! You can't look after your own DAUGHTER for crying out loud. GRANDKIDS??!], personal questions he should be saving for me if he wants the answers, so I put down my bowl, grab the phone, and take it into the next room.

What followed was a three, perhaps four-hour-long conversation that was long-overdue, and, I'm proud to say, was a civil one. I surprised myself. I conducted myself highly, and I'm still proud of it. He could not get over how much of an adult I had become [good  thing he doesn't know about my Spongebob pyjamas ><]. I was also pretty much the hard ass. I made him face every issue and told him just how much he hurt the little girl I was. Several times it was obvious he was spoiling for an argument and still I didn't lose my head. And what surprised me was, because I was forcing myself to act with dignity, I managed to hold an actual, and pleasant, almost, conversation with him.

But he seems to be getting ahead of himself, I've noticed, since that night. He wants me to come visit his side of the family and so on . . . Not yet. There'll be plenty of time in the future for that. I still need to get used to being around him before I can move on from that. We've still got a lot to talk about, and I won't ignore these issues. But I just want to thank you guys here, Alterfano and Fuschiafinn especially, for offering some sage advice and a great big bear-hug of support which helped me make some sense of the chaos whirling in my head, and gave me the resolution I needed to face this head-on.

You guys cannot imagine how grateful I am for your words of wisdom. And now, I've beaten my fear and wounded pride and gone ahead and done with something I knew was the right thing to do despite my reluctance.

And Mir-chan . . .? The support you threw in there was worth its weight in gold . . . as are you. *hugs* I'll be in touch real soon, honey. I've been busy because I've taken time out of my schedule to actually spend some of it with "the man who wants to be my father again". Beware. Next email you get from me is likely to be as long your local area phonebook. Whee. ^_^